Mom Rage or Bad Mom? Breaking the Silence on Postpartum Anger

Have you ever experienced an anger that felt like it came out of nowhere? I remember the moment when I realized my level of anger felt scary, foreign, and completely out of my control. I was rocking my newborn baby back to sleep, and he was crying so much that it overstimulated me, and I yelled at him. Immediately, I felt terrified of myself. Who is this person? My mind and emotions felt so foreign in my body. Guilt and shame washed over me for yelling at my completely innocent newborn baby.

Or maybe you’ve had a similar moment—like when your toddler was in the middle of a meltdown, and you yelled at them to stop. The weight of that reaction stayed with you. These moments can be isolating and overwhelming, but they’re more common than we talk about.

Postpartum rage, or “mom rage,” is all too real and rarely discussed openly. It feels wrong to admit, doesn’t it? Society has trained us to believe that mothers must be endlessly patient and perfect, never making mistakes. This silence can leave you feeling ashamed and alone.

But before you jump to conclusions about who you are as a person based on these experiences, let’s explore the potential causes to this anger.

What Is Postpartum Rage?

Postpartum rage is a sudden, intense anger that can feel uncontrollable. It often sneaks in as a secondary emotion to anxiety, overwhelm, overstimulation, or even depression. With so many emotions flooding in, it can be hard to recognize when anger starts to build.

It can show up in different ways:

• Snapping at your partner

• Losing your patience with your child

• Yelling at a family member or friend

• Feeling immense guilt after the outburst

Why Does This Happen?

There are many reasons why postpartum rage occurs:

• Hormonal shifts: After childbirth, hormones like estrogen and progesterone drop drastically, which can impact mood regulation.

• Sleep deprivation: Lack of rest makes it harder to manage emotions.

• Overstimulation: The constant demands of motherhood can overwhelm your senses.

• Unmet needs: Feeling unsupported or having unacknowledged needs can build resentment.

What You Can Do About It

The first step to addressing postpartum rage is recognizing that it doesn’t define you as a mother. It’s a signal that something deeper is happening. With that in mind, here are a few tips to help you navigate these feelings:

1. Acknowledge Your Emotions:
   Give yourself permission to feel your emotions without judgment. Recognize that anger is a valid response to overwhelm and stress.

2. Identify Your Triggers:
   Reflect on what situations or experiences seem to spark your anger. Is it overstimulation, feeling unsupported, or exhaustion? Awareness is the first step toward change.

3. Take a Pause:
   When you feel anger building, step away if it’s safe to do so

4. Prioritize Rest and Self-Care:
   Sleep deprivation amplifies emotional intensity. Ask for help, even if it’s just for a short break to rest or do something for yourself.

5. Set Boundaries:
   If certain situations or people contribute to your stress, practice setting limits. Protecting your energy is not selfish; it’s necessary.

6. Reach Out for Support:
   Talk to a trusted friend, therapist, or support group about your experiences. Postpartum rage thrives in isolation, and sharing your struggles can lighten the load.

7. Practice Mindfulness or Grounding Techniques:
   Activities like meditation, yoga, or even a quick walk can help regulate your emotions and bring a sense of calm.

Remember This

Postpartum rage doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom. It’s a sign that you’re overwhelmed and in need of support and understanding. By recognizing the root causes and taking steps to care for yourself, you can navigate these feelings and find greater peace in your motherhood journey.

You are not alone in this. Let’s keep the conversation going and break the stigma around postpartum rage. You deserve support and compassion.