Am I A good Mom?
This is the question that brings so many moms into my office: Am I a good mom?
It’s a question that often sneaks into our thoughts, sometimes out of nowhere, and leaves us questioning our actions, decisions, and even our worth. But why does this question pop into our minds, especially when we become moms?
Starting in childhood, most of us are conditioned to think about motherhood in a specific way. Maybe we imagined it as this magical, nurturing experience, or maybe we didn’t want kids at all and never saw it in our future. Either way, the concept of motherhood—whether we embrace it, avoid it, or land somewhere in between—gets shaped by the families we grew up in, the messages we heard, and the societal expectations surrounding us.
Then, we become moms. Suddenly, we’re handed tiny humans to care for, and the question arises: Am I doing this right?
Where Does This Question Come From?
It’s worth exploring why this question surfaces. Is it an intrusive thought? Is it self-doubt creeping in? Or are we gaslighting ourselves, questioning the genuine love and care we’re giving to our kids?
The truth is, the idea of being a “good mom” is deeply personal. It means something different to everyone. Your definition might stem from the way you were raised, what you witnessed growing up, or what you dreamed motherhood might look like. For others, it may be influenced by feelings of inadequacy or societal pressures.
Here’s the catch: This question often doesn’t have a clear-cut answer. Motherhood isn’t black and white. It’s messy, nuanced, and deeply complex. Every day, we’re navigating parenting, nurturing, feeding, enriching our kids' development—all while trying to maintain our own sense of self. Can we just pause for a second and acknowledge how much that is? It’s no wonder your anxiety might be heightened.
The Modern Mom’s Struggle
Today’s moms are inundated with messages from social media, blogs, and even well-meaning advice from friends and family. It feels like the “requirements” to be a “good mom” are constantly shifting. Are you breastfeeding? Did you enroll your child in enrichment classes? Is your home baby-proofed? And the list goes on.
This constant comparison to other moms or the idealized version of motherhood can leave us feeling like we’re falling short. And yet, if you’ve ever found yourself Googling “Am I a good mom?” or reading this post, let me reassure you: You are a good mom.
The very fact that you’re asking this question tells me you care deeply about your kids and want to do right by them. That, in itself, says so much about the kind of mom you are.
What Makes a Good Mom?
Here’s the thing: there is no single formula or checklist for being a good mom.
All moms parent differently. What works for one family might not work for another—and that’s okay.
You are the best mom for your kids because you know what they need. Trust your instincts.
If you feel like you’re falling short, it might be worth exploring whether that feeling is tied to deeper beliefs about yourself—perhaps the idea that you’re not “enough.”
How Can You Shift These Thoughts?
Changing the way you think about yourself and your role as a mom takes work, but it’s possible. Here are some ways to start:
Accept That You Are Enough.
This is one of the hardest but most important steps. It might take therapy, self-reflection, or intentional practice, but learning to embrace your worth is life-changing. If you’re thinking, I don’t have any gifts, stop that thought in its tracks. You do. Negative self-talk often stems from doubt and self-criticism, but you have so much to offer, both as a person and as a mom.Give Yourself Grace.
You are human, and humans make mistakes—especially moms. There is no handbook for parenting, and every family’s journey is unique. Yelled at your child? Forgot something important? Lost your patience? You’re still a good mom. Mistakes don’t define you; how you show up and love your kids does.Surround Yourself With Support.
Connect with other moms who understand the challenges of motherhood. Find those who can empathize with the ups and downs, whether that’s a local mom group, close friends, or even an online community. Having people who get it can make you feel less alone and more supported.
You Are Enough
If nothing else, remember this: being a “good mom” isn’t about perfection. It’s about showing up, trying your best, and loving your kids the way only you can.
You’re not alone in this journey, and you don’t have to navigate it without support. If this question keeps coming up for you, maybe it’s time to look inward, unpack where it’s coming from, and work toward embracing the amazing mom you already are. And if you need someone to walk alongside you in that process, I’m here to help.
